If you have read my blog you know that my family is a blended family. Blended families are hard. Having my son have such a complicated situation has no doubt been a touchy subject in my current relationship. My son hardly sees his paternal father and when he does it is so exciting for him that we hear about it for weeks on end. This is difficult for my current significant other(SO) Who is no doubt my co parent in my son's life. My significant other finds it frustrating that my son still has this dream of this "Great Father" when he already has one... HIM
Now i have always found this hard as well that my son finds his biological father so incredible. When i am the one doing all of the work... I'm am the one consistently here... i am the one who holds 100% of the financial obligation and yet in the eyes of my 4yr old his father hung the moon.
Well this weekend My son and SO had a disagreement. My son left his toys at the top of the stairs and my SO got frustrated and in my eyes (as the over protective mother) thought he spoke too harshly and handled it too hard. I feel on a regular basis that my SO may not understand how old my son is and being that he has never raised a child before i feel as though he does not punish or scold age appropriately. It took an argument between my SO and I and two days of not talking to each other that we finally sat down and had a talk.
In this conversation he said he did not believe my son thought of him as a parent. He said he believed he was looked at as a friend or companion and that is why my son acts the way that he does to him. I explained to him this is not the case. I told him that even when he is not around my son ... my son is constantly talking about him. He is constantly seeking his approval... constantly talking about his feelings and telling me how much he misses him when he is at work and talking about how much he loves him. He even says how he wants to go to the same college (texem techem as Bryce calls it or Texas Tech) and build airplanes like my SO does as well. It is frustrating that My SO does not see this and feels like he is just a friend... I explained to him that even when he doesn't realize it ... My son is always looking at him for guidance... That in my sons life he is it... and by it ... i mean the only positive and consistent male role model in his life... Now for the purpose of also helping this relationship i realized hat i need to also step back an let mt SO punish how he sees fit... and not contradict or get in the way of their never ending developing relationship... and this may no doubt be one of the hardest tasks i have ever had to mediate and yet bite my tongue and step back and watch....
~ That 22yr old housewife :0)
2 comments:
I wish I had some great, sage advice. I grew up with both of my parents, but my hubby is in a family where both his mom and dad went through multiple spouses. In his case, his "dads" both biological and step were all losers and he never looked up to any of them. That said, it's easy when you are 4 and your "real dad" seems like a superhero and the other man in your life does something that makes you upset. When you think (even if it's not true) that someone else out there would have given you what you want, it's always going to be hard on the guy who has to be there to be the bad guy sometimes. As he gets older, your son will find out that even his biological dad won't always make him happy...and that your SO is a great guy even when he has to be the bad guy sometimes.
Thank you for your comments ... they always make me smile!
Post a Comment