Now if you have followed my blog from day 1... you know i have had quite a few bumps in the road when it comes to relationships. I came close to marrying the last man i was with ... i thought i loved him very much. Few problems were present in our relationship, we never fought, never argued, and when we did it was over in minutes and solved with laughter... It wasn't until i found out he was secretly abusing my son just months before I planned to walk down the isle. He was lying to my face and i trusted him with my sweet little boy who was just 2 years old. (To know more about this i write about it Here.
Needless to say this was the closet i came to saying those very words... "to have and to hold."
I now get the third degree on when i will be marrying my current boyfriend; Who, Lets face it ... in most peoples eyes is pretty perfect. His perfection on paper is much to make any parents or soon to be parent in laws weak in the knees... At the mere age of 25 has succeeded academically, founded a successful fraternity for his university, graduated with presidential honors and is now set for life career wise.
They also assume we are not married yet because of him. I get these questions on a regular basis..."why hasn't he asked you?" "When will he be ready?" "you guys have a beautiful daughter, house, family etc. soooo WHEN WHEN WHEN???" These are the most infuriating... because it is probably more me then him who is not ready... I have developed this anti-marriage attitude and well lets face it ... a down right phobia of the "to have and to hold discussion." Blame it on my experience, or blame it on the fact that i went through 2 divorces with my mother and watched her get hurt on right after the other... i have developed this natural instinct to put my "I Do" Guard up. I am now at the age where my friends are all marrying... and now divorcing as well... I watch these girls cry when they say their vows ... and within months, they are crying signing divorce papers... and I'm wondering why it is in this day and age people put their hearts through this? Why is it that we say these little yet such heart breaking and powerful words?
This weekend... my boyfriend and I had one of the biggest and heart breaking weekends full of fighting we have ever had. Hurtful things were said that cant be taken back, and now we are numb to each other... saying short answers to questions, sleeping in different areas of the house and pretty much avoiding each other.
He is from one of the only families i know where there is no divorce... they are all still together ... but in my mind have stuck through situations i would never put up with. But maybe this is the problem... because they know the other will never leave they treat each other in ways i could never imagine treating anyone... let alone someone i have promise "to have and to hold"...
SO is this day and age... which type of "spouse" is wrong? The ones who give up and do not give in? or the others who give in and never give up?